Froggacuda
frog⋅gah⋅coo⋅dah
–noun, proper name.
1) An action figure from the Other World line of toys manufactured by Arco in the early 1980s
2) A foul-mouthed, mythical creature given to speaking bluntly and honestly, or, behaving like such a creature
3) Michael G. Murdoch
RT @Cpl_Dont_Know: Cheers to the woman at the ER with the brain bleed who, after being told she was being airlifted to a better equipped ho… // 4 hours ago
RT @KHayhoe: Here are the big takeaways from the @IPCC_CH Synthesis Report released today.
First, climate change has already caused wides… // 2 days ago
RT @Tweetermeyer: You don't even need to know anything about driving automation technology to know Tesla's "Full Self-Driving" is fraudulen… // 2 days ago
RT @emptywheel: Trump has spent YEARS training journalists to reward him every time he ratchets up his language.
The more outrageous, the… // 4 days ago
RT @Rainmaker1973: This is what a dam's gate reopening after years looks like.
After an extended period of drought, overflow valves at Ji… // 4 days ago
RT @emptywheel: Maybe rather than rewarding the former President for anti-semitism and incitement, you should use this as the image for you… // 5 days ago
RT @EvNarc: Dwayne McDuffie at 49. MF Doom at 51. Trugoy/Dave from De La Soul at 54. And now, Lance Reddick at 60. All too young. // 5 days ago
RT @RVAwonk: This is one to watch:
“Experts say the San Diego case could inspire prosecutors around the country to take similar aim at ant… // 5 days ago
RT @donmoyn: Extraordinary investigative journalists do the work to provide context and insights to story behind he headlines.
Good luck an… // 5 days ago
RT @EmmaMAshford: Man, Twitter is such a worse place for the loss of Popehat.
Read his barnburner on free speech, universities, and Stanfo… // 1 week ago
RT @lulumeservey: Comms before the storm:
You need a crisis comms plan *before* crisis hits.
That plan should include
1) War room roles
2… // 1 week ago
RT @emptywheel: A Jan6 tragicomedy in three parts.
Part One, DOJ to ABJ: When Cap'n Gabe Garcia told you he wanted to watch trials to pre… // 1 week ago
RT @eeberquist: it is very funny that all these tech founders are apparently realizing for the first time that the general public is not in… // 1 week ago
RT @vanguard_pod: LOL: Briahna Joy Gray BREAKS the brain of Rising guest Bethany Mandel by asking her to define "wokeness" https://t.co/uw… // 1 week ago
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I am currently “under-employed” and consequently, I am in a state of amusement because I want to be productive. The last time I was in this situation almost seven years ago, I pumped hundreds of poems that I had written into this WordPress blawg because I am a poet. Present tense, I wanted to make the best use of all of this free time, so I spent countless idle hours getting all of my DJ Lurk’s MP3 mixes online, because I am also a DJ. I clearly remember when I dropped poetry as an expression mechanism and graduated to recording sequences of songs because these sonic paintings expressed my headspace much better than writing in spiral-ring notebooks. It’s been a while since I captured the creative expression of my DJ Lurk persona, but it is humbling that I have almost seven straight days of mixes if you play them start-to-finish.
Providing these sounds to the public is a cathartic, selfish action. As a human being that is capable of influencing the world around me, I find it to be of the utmost importance to provide a measurable value: this time, it is DJ Lurk, my army-of-one alter ego that mixes music instead of writing poetry. The technology has caught up to where it is simple to post an MP3 recording that captures a shitload of hard work. I have already spit about how important it is to Press Record and capture your own efforts. This is because you are the product.
DJ Lurk’s biggest fans: Brother and Mallory.
There are three types of people: past tense, present tense, and future tense. Everyone can operate within those categories to a certain level of competence, but everyone defaults to their most comfortable worldview. Typically, I am a creature of present tense; however, when I am faced with my own musical selections recorded in the infinitely replicatable format of digital MP3s, they are messages to yourself from the past. No one is a better subject matter expert on this media than I am: what was I thinking? Where is my mind?
It is way too easy to take a shitload of pictures on your iPhone of your children, pets, loved ones, food plates, vistas, and your experiences — it’s now getting worse, turning into videos and Vine loops — and YOU NEVER LOOK AT THEM AGAIN. The social media drive to post unadulterated crap all of the time is horrific. 21st Century humans collect tons of media almost reflexively; it is the art and action of going back through it and framing it with times, dates, tags, and explanations that will make that media worthwhile. Otherwise it is a waste of audience time and QVC will not invite you back as a vendor. You have to manage your own brand.
With my newfound temporary freedom, I have looked back on my output of product, and I am thrilled to build out the DJ Lurk side of this WordPress blawg with all these recorded dreams of being a professional DJ — DJ Lurk, if you will. This is adding hours of product — original content, if you will — to the Virtual Lilypad, and the effort reinforces that elusive immortality sought by the Froggacuda.
At the top of the page, roll over the DJ Lurk item, and explore the madness and mayhem.
I turned this in as my final essay to a Student Colloquium at CCS / UCSB on Female African-American Literature in 1993. Last male standing in the class, this effort got me an A+. Great Depeche Mode inspired synth solo. Nothing has changed: this track holds up well today in 2015.
I was born down south San Diego
left all alone so I got switched to the home
of Mom and Dad – they’re not my real parents
but they’re the ones who loved me best, y’all.
so I made a lot of friends through trial and error.
I learned the hard way not to think or care
about foolish opinions that don’t belong to me.
I try to be happy and who I want to be,
now I’m not saying that I’m a hard lucker
and I’m certainly not a big bad motherfucker.
when I get a lot of money, I tend to share
and when I get real drunk I like to say [yeah!] – beastie boys
I’m never too busy to get busy
and a lot of my friends get busy with me.
I don’t know everything so I go collect knowledge;
I went through high school to end up in college.
I caught a cool class from my good friend Sara
she told me of the problems I should work to take care of.
things aren’t equal in the land of the free
and I know that it isn’t the way it’s supposed to be.
I live my life as best as I can;
I smile and say hello to my fellow man.
I’m not going to tell you how hard I hit,
all the women I’ve been with or any of that shit.
I don’t pride myself on being a jerk
‘cause like Kool Moe Dee [I go to work] – Kool Moe Dee
this world I’m in ain’t the perfect place to live
but I’m not going to keep it just the way it is.
Alright,
maybe I’m weak – I get beat in a fistfight
but before I get up I’ve begun to write.
I pick up my glasses and back home I go
‘cause next week I’ll dis you on the radio.
I’m not the type of guy to reply with violence
but like Bell Hooks it’s hard to keep my silence;
to tell you like it is: ignorance is hell,
so pick up a book and educate yourself.
I can’t stand to see you dismiss my sisters –
think you can rape her just ‘cause you kissed her?
listen very carefully to the words of this song –
you’re not only ignorant – you’re wrong.
now you go home and you beat your wife
and I’ll cheer my head off when you meet her knife.
you haven’t really recognized their rights yet
and you’re wondering why they seem upset?
women cross lines in all races and creeds;
a little respect is all they need.
I make sure my mother gets across on a green light
and I make sure my girlfriends get home at night.
I learn and I write, make music then preach
I’ll get a college degree to continue to teach.
I turn on my mind and mix me a drink
to write something funky to make you think.
I’m not always sure of what I can say
‘cause the PC strictures make my hair turn grey.
some stuck out of luck dumbfuck says it’s none of my biz
but you know it is, that’s the way it is.
(Analog solo a la pus and zero boy)
I light my pipe, sit back and kick back
because I know I just pumped out a fresh track.
I’ve got some homework but I know I’ll be done soon
then I pop in my tape and I [pump up the volume] – MARRS
sometimes I get drunk, bounce checks, and get high,
think about what I want to say and I sigh,
I can’t seem to get it out right through my teeth,
a sharp bladed dagger that’s stuck in its sheath.
because other people don’t let me live
I’m getting plenty of time just learning to forgive.
I guess I’m just waiting for the world to get wise:
talk to your friends and you’ll realize
that I’m not out for world peace,
just tolerance, understanding – some relief at least.
I take time to turn on and tune in,
writing white raps with a big old grin
because I’m slurring you can guess that I’m sauced
but at least my message is coming across.
I get funky on a track ‘cause I’m badder than Cheese Whiz
want to know why?
that’s just the way it is.
It has been a hot minute since I have fired up the ol’ WordPress blawg and wrote myself a letter. This effort has an audience of one: myself, and once you accept that, it gets easier. In this feed- and filter-driven 24 hour news cycle of technology, when you are staring at a blank page, it is asking you to be creative and say something. Say anything. It is much better on a cosmic, spiritual scale to create content than to passively watch the social network feeds go by.
I used to write poetry and stories to capture what I was feeling. This “blog” is full of it; when I was unemployed I kept busy (because ADHD) by pumping tons of those “witless driblets” into this online database called WordPress from a stack of hand-written journals that I subsequently burned in the mountains and the deserts in campfires. They’re all now indexed Internet content and ashes. Ribbit. Fuck you. Enjoy.
Once upon a time I built pages for music I composed, wrote, played, produced, rapped and sang on. Labored over, instead of going to class or doing homework, I caught them on magnetic tape and transferred them to a computer. I figured out how to embed those songs here with a play button. I still have a couple of handwritten cassette tapes I can refer to for source material and memories. That includes a page for M0nster Zer0, a band I was instrumental in–ha, ha–when I was in high school.
I remember making DJ Lurk compilations every year for 15 years, many times multiple disc sets, of my favorite music and giving them out by the dozens for free. Custom, handmade printed paperboard CD case insets, printed on an inkjet, and CD-Stomping labels on them. Those comps keep me grounded, and company, because you should always make your own mix tapes.
I used to record two hour sessions of vinyl-spinning to capture all of my music collection the way that I heard it blending and surfing together. That’s how it was on Pete Tong’s Essential Mix program on Radio One: a two-hour uncensored journey. I made this effort because the Woodweaver gave me a Sony DAT recorder that could do two hours per tape; that was hot tech at the time, and I wanted to use it. There are 12 Essential Mix @ Mordenkainen’s Parlour tracks, labelled with exact dates. They have incredible power to return me to years ago.
More recently, with a MacBook Pro and a shitty pair of USB controllers attached to Traktor, I would record DJing live at the Edgemont Compound, the Isle of Lesbos, Below the Chateau, or at a Dirty Little Mansion. This content has names and maybe rough dates, but I was asked to show up and spin, so I did. I get to wonder who this particular character is, because I can’t believe that I produced that. But it is undeniably The Froggacuda.
So there it is as evidence: a poem, a mixtape, an occasion: captured somehow so that I have to go back and verify that it actually happened for my audience of me. Memories that are fleeting ghosts. Content that is hard and unrelenting to experience again and try to put into perspective in the present tense.
I used to rock a Kermit the Frogg icon that had some iron-on 80’s T-shirt lettering at the top that simply said “you betta recognize”. No exclamation point or nothing. Kermit has some sort of Muppet hand-gesture going on, and it’s just delightful. Recognition: think about it. I’d like to recognize this phenomenon called Dubstep. It is–apparently–a relatively new and popular type of electronic music that has made its way into commercials and Hot Topic and youth culture in a way that I have not witnessed in a while. Little does the average Dubstep fanatic (or Skrillex-only brostep lover) know that this style of music has been around since the mid-1990’s. Vanity Fair is bemoaning that culture has been stuck in a rut for the last two decades, but I think that they are just not looking hard enough for novelty in this sea of multimedia we all swim in.
Those of you who have been to the Man-Cave known as Mordenkainen’s Parlour in person know that I have a lot of loudspeakers. And I have full control over the effects and equalization that eminates from these units. Kleptus, as I write this, is sanding the Saltillo tiles he laid upstairs at Edgemont as I write. Without playing music, the grinding sounds coming from through my roof sounded way too much like these 60 BPM Hybrid-esque breaks that have rocketed to public consciousness.
I am going to embed the video that I think was the springboard to Dubstep for me. I am a music fanatic; a DJ, even. I still marvel at these Video Disc Jockeys that can real-time juggle slices of video as they are mixing good tracks together–it is beyond me. However, I subscribe to the four elements of hip hopso fundamentally that I apply that litmus test to things I listen to when I detect an entire subculture developing in front of my ears. When I saw the dedication of Marquise Smith to a performance of a single track that he loved so much he believed in it, then you can understand why Dubstep is here to stay. Witness this. Recognize.
…
This reminds me of Mr Fantastic, Robert Muraine out of LA who auditioned for So You Think You Can Dance? and was subsequently featured on an Ikea commercial. I really think that the expression of dance actually adds the appropriate video element to an audio element that I already am entranced with. As a DJ, I always ask myself this question: how would I dance to this? It’s a fundamental concept if you are running a dance floor. It’s actually where all good DJ decisions come from. I remember in the phenomenal documentary SCRATCH, Africa Bambaatta would just hand unknown records to his DJ and say “the break is about two thirds from the start”. Boom. Play it. Trust. Recognize.
That is musical teamwork. Think Run DMC or Beastie Boys and how fast they can trade rhymes back and forth. Have you ever witnessed freestyling rappers beyond, say, Eminem in 8 Mile? Switch gears to DJs. Now shift again to (break) dancing. If I can extend you one more time, here is the least represented of the four elements of hip hop: (graffiti) artists. Speak, Mix, Dance, Art. This is how I judge musical culture.
Tyler Rae--PEACE!
I am getting older–I turned 40 in 2011–and I am trying not to become calcified as an “old guy”. I shamelessly use my godchildren–Tyler, Taylor, and Bélen–as Soundwave’s “little friends” to get a real idea of what is going on in their lives as a present tense report of what they are facing in this minute in America, and like all the brilliant young minds I have seen lately, are NOT CONCERNED about the future. Because they have not lost faith in their elders yet.
Tyler Rae has a buddy who makes Dubstep music, and frankly, he is pretty damn good; I am encouraging her to use her formidable skills to manage this artist.
Taylor has been crushing it in both his schoolwork and on the basketball court.
Taylor--LAKERS!
Bélen earned $10 from me by selling me a cat scratcher that she proved that my über-kitty Brother would actually use and love–after I stepped her through the process of selling product at outrageous prices and then applying a “family discount”. Kleptus and I then showed her the Marquise Smith video and gave her an impromptu (albeit poorly demonstrated) lesson in dancing to Dubstep in my living room.
My lovely niece Michaela just brought my first “blood” nephew into the world: Breslin Franklin Geddes, who is by all pictures and reports a bundle of joy. I asked when I could start sending video games and Lego kits.
I actually receive quite a bit of passive-aggressive shit that I don’t have kids of my own; hey, I don’t need them–I have plenty of responsibilities to insure these life forms generated by my friends and family grow up happy, healthy, wealthy, and wise.
Belen at Sheep's Canyon
What does this have to do with knighting Dubstep a relevant musical phenomenon that is worth paying attention to? There are a couple of reasons, but the most important is that Dubstep is the product of young people. Music is its own language, like math–although I have always been better at music than algebra or speaking Spanish–and as a language, it has dialects, is a creative endeavor, and is constantly morphing. Dance is a physical interpretation of a piece or pieces of music. Playing music, whether a live instrument (and that includes turntables, people), singing, or pre-recorded–hell, even clapping or whistling along–is an act of creation. I grew up doing yardwork with my dad, and when engrossed in a task, he would idly whistle. This is his equivalent of Michael Jordan hanging his tongue out of the side of his mouth when he was contemplating just how to dunk on an outmatched opponent. It made the chores go by faster, and fostered my personal philosophy that everyone has a soundtrack going on in their head-space. Some of us also have a laugh track and a sound effects track as well. I’m so in love with media that this is the best way that I can describe what ADHD is like. All of this is going on in my head, all of the time. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Dubstep accurately represents how gritty, slow motion, and ridiculous the present tense is. DJ Lurk firmly believes that the BPM meter has flipped: we have had enough of trying to communicate music at ever-faster beats-per-minute. 165+ BPM craziness has been around since the drum machine was distributed to the masses in a programmable and affordable unit. For crying out loud, Google “Happy Hardcore” and try to dance to that. It was a mid-1990s staple. But now we have rolled over to the bottom of the BPM spectrum. This is a stroke of genius.
Dubstep is fundamentally SLOW. As in slow down. Look at Marquise Smith: he is interpreting everyday–nay, every MOMENT–life. He ties his shoes. He’s just waiting for a friend or public transport. All the while amusing himself–and us–with an incredible display of interpretive dance. You can WORK to Dubstep. Folding laundry–a task I loathe for some reason–becomes fun when listening to Dubstep. I mentioned (and linked) Robert Muraine before; he’s a street performer from LA. Check out his audition for “So You Think You Can Dance”; spoiler: you betchya!
…
Muraine is not quite using Dubstep per se, but a parallel style that can sometimes be labelled as “Glitch”. Again, this is not exactly the type of club banger that you regularly hear on your normal 128-136 BPM dance circuit, yet talented dancers thrive when translating strange beat signatures, weird synthetic noises, and general wubwubwub. This stuff is not old people music; it is a blend of new, ever evolving technology with the oldest communication in the world: beats. And I find that there is almost no better way to understand the mindset of today’s youth than to figure out what they are listening to and how they dance to it.
It is possible that technology like samplers and drum machines makes our music lazy; a great 20 minute example of this is the Amen Break, which is the most popularly over-used sample in the history of music. On the other hand, I think that all of this tech allows for more freedom, more creativity, and the awesomeness of remixing and repurposing music. There is a whole movement of people who use loop pedals and effect units to do incredible things with just their voices as the only instrument they are playing, whether it is just straight beatboxing talent like Eklips or the jaw-dropping stylings of Hyperpotamus. Here’s a fan-made video set to Benny Benassi’s track Cinema remixed by the king of brostep, Skrillex, that was brought to my attention by the mighty Woodweaver.
…
For me, it is really all about dropping heavy-lidded into a sort of trance and almost seeing the composition; your body will then attempt to express this feeling through dance, through singing, through art, and through making your own music. Trust me, I still love the 80’s stuff I grew up on that was new and fresh and edgy, but there is no purpose in becoming trapped in your own set of oldies but goodies just because that is where you are most comfortable–and possibly nostalgic. Today’s youth culture is more vibrant than ever, and it is less frequently older generations that push the boundaries of sound. They used to say that teenagers built the original World Wide Web because they were the only ones with enough disposable time and passion to actually figure out HTML. The same thing goes with music. And art. And dance, and song. Pay attention! Recognize!
QUICK: It is autumn, and it’s time to start organizing the fresh tracks of 2011. This year–number 16–I thought I’d be a little more agile in product and delivery. Here’s to your 2011 Halloween: originally called “2 INSPIRE”, after three tries–and I have never before “retried” an entire mix–it morphed into “The Greatest Trick” in August. Let me know what you think. 375mb direct download from my iDisk.
“the greatest trick the Devil ever pulled…was convincing the world he didn’t exist. And like that…he’s gone!” ~The Usual Suspects
I was driving to work at Fortis Family on September 11th, 2001, just pulling into the parking garage around 8:45 am while listening to Neil Boortz on talk radio when he stuttered and went quiet for a long couple of seconds. He stammered unintelligibly, and then stated in an incredulous tone that he had just been handed a note: an airplane had crashed into one of the World Trade Center towers. I pulled into a parking space and turned off my truck, leaving the radio running. After verifying what I thought I had just heard, I sprinted inside the building and up four flights of stairs to the breakroom and turned on the television to CNN.
CNN video in progress
The network was scrambling to get any sort of information on what had just happened; news teams were mobilizing to get shots of the skyline of NYC where an appalling cloud of smoke was erupting from the side of the famous twin towers. The shock and horror was evident on the faces of the anchors that were struggling mightily to absorb and translate the chaotic eyewitness reports that were pouring in across all sorts of media. Other Fortis employees were passing the break room, and on inquiring why the TV was up so loud I solemnly turned and said “something terrible is happening”. Nobody left the small hallway-sized kitchen; my co-workers reacted in one of two ways: they either crowded in and stared dumbfounded as the shaky handheld videos started being rolled out onscreen, or they turned stark white and ran to get their mobile phones to call their family and friends in New York. I distinctly remember someone asking desperately “which tower? WHICH TOWER!” because they knew a number of people at one of the insurance firms at the intersection of Liberty and Church Streets.
Fortis Family occupied half of the fourth floor of the building, probably 35 or 40 total employees, and most everyone was packed into the break room. Since I was the first person in, and closest to the TV, I was repeating the most concrete information that I had heard over every two or three minutes to keep new arrivals informed as more people crowded into the small space. Just after 9 am, we all witnessed the live reports that a second plane had flown into the South Tower. In the stunned silence, broken only by the horrified stammering of the news broadcast, I turned to my fellow IT Project Leader Ben Leslie and said “this is not an accident; this is deliberate…”
Front license plate on the old Nissan since 9/11
After verifying that the second plane wasn’t some sort of sick joke or acid flashback, I hurried outside to smoke and I called my parents in San Diego. It was quarter after 6 am on the West Coast and I shouted into the phone to get out of bed and turn on the television. My mom, struggling to wake up, said she’d have my father turn on the TV. I called my brother Kyle, who travels to NYC often — he was in Las Vegas, luckily, and left him an urgent message; later I found out he had several friends from Stanford that perished in the destruction. After sucking down several coffin nails in a row, I went back upstairs to the break room, shouldering my way back into a space where I could see and hear the unbelievable efforts of CNN anchors who were barely keeping it together while trying to report this ghastly event in real time. I made it back up in time to hear the rumor, then confirmation, that a third plane had hit the Pentagon and that a fourth–and possibly a fifth and sixth–plane had been hijacked: targets, unknown. As news crews and amateur videos flooded in, there were gasps and cries as we witnessed people hanging out of twisted steel windows waving clothing and to try to get help, and eventually, bodies plummeting dozens of stories downward as people jumped from those windows. Some people fled to their offices and cubicles, tears streaming down their faces; others were desperately trying to get through to loved ones, only to receive “all circuits are busy”. Others shuffled away in stunned silence. A couple people were praying.
Best newspaper headline of them all
By 10 am, the break room had mostly cleared out. People were trying to figure out what to do in order to make sense of what they had seen. Some were trying to go back to work; others were huddled in little groups throughout the fourth floor talking in hushed tones, some comforting others. I have an unhealthy interest in catastrophic events, and I knew that there was no fucking way I was going back to work. In fact, I was planning to leave for home to be able to use my home computers and televisions to gather as much information as possible at once as this was happening. I can’t remember exactly who the four or five people were in the break room with me — I think Art Saul was there — when the South Tower collapsed in a slow motion rush of almost graceful destruction. The wall-hung 27″ TV could not adequately contain the shaky on-the-street footage of the most horrifying thing I have ever witnessed in my life. Every person in that room was transfixed in sheer awe; there are not words to describe the scant 10 seconds it took for the building to irrevocably change the NYC skyline by plunging millions of tons of concrete and steel downward “almost a quarter of a mile” into a choking, billowing cloud of debris that flooded the streets and overwhelmed the cameraman. Somebody screamed in the break room. Co-workers came running. We could only point at the screen with mouths agape. Someone said “it’s just gone!” Someone else sobbed; “oh my god there were people in there!”
The subsequent images on that TV were mind-numbingly awful: people covered in dust and detritus stumbling out of the surreal darkness; people on the street who were watching fleeing the scene. Reports of casualties kept flooding in; they were too much to absorb: firefighters, police, Port Authority…and regular people. Flight 93 went down in Pennsylvania; the Pentagon was on fire; rampant speculation on who was behind this monstrous — and now apparent — acts of gruesome terrorism. There were many more people in the break room when the North Tower collapsed at 10:30 am, and I am certain that some of them did not believe that the first tower had crumbled. I couldn’t take any more; I left work and went home.
President GWB delivering his infamous megaphone speech on 9-14-2001
I didn’t turn my television off for hours and days. I watched the Congress of the United States, helpless and trying to lead a country rocked with multiple simultaneous attacks spontaneously sing “God Bless America” on the steps of the capital live on national television. I remember the President stating through a bullhorn “I can hear you! I can hear YOU! The rest of the world hears you! And the people — and the people who knocked these buildings down will hear all of us soon!” American flags and related items cleared the shelves. The stories of bravery and heroism continued to pour out of the news channels; hundreds of emergency personnel rushing back into the fray to rescue complete strangers; the ultimate sacrifice documented by cellular phones from Flight 93 who apparently rushed the cockpit with a drink cart to force the hijackers to plunge the plane into the ground rather than the nation’s capital as is the speculated target; a dead and injured toll that kept ratcheting up and up until it was too much for anyone, anywhere, to bear. And America set aside all of these petty differences we endure today, 10 years later, and in the face of horrific tragedy, we were a unified nation. True patriotism by 100% of the American people had not been challenged — nor demonstrated — in that same way since Pearl Harbor, and these were not military personnel: these were regular people like you or I going to their regular jobs and going home to their regular families in their regular neighborhoods.
The original version of the cover of In Memoriam
10 years later the political rhetoric has ratcheted up to where the rest of the world believes that we are paralyzed and divided. Even the events of 9/11 are being politicized and leveraged in the never-ending pursuit of political power, monetary gain, and network ratings. This is the ever evolving “normal state” of the USA; our 24 hour news cycle and the advent of all of this real-time 21st century technology allows us to air our dirty laundry constantly in 160 characters or less all of the time. Do not make the simple mistake that America is divided or paralyzed. This is democracy across a federation of 50 states, and the most successful democracy the world has ever known. On the 10 year anniversary of 9/11, I would present to you this very hallowed advice: do not fuck with the United States of America. It may take ten years and thousands of our people’s lives and millions of dollars of spending, but as one of our Presidents stated:
“Make no mistake: the United States will hunt down and punish those responsible for these cowardly acts.” ~George W. Bush
In the days and weeks following 9/11, I collected a huge number of nameless “basement” DJs and producers trying to express their feelings about this event, using songs that have deep meaning and laboriously, lovingly, and respectfully laying in samples of the newscasts that we witnessed that day. It is the innovation and leadership that I expect of my fellow Americans; all I have done is kept these archives for 10 years to share with you now. This is why my alter ego DJ Lurk will never produce any compilation that compares at all with this one: 09-11-01 In Memoriam. I hope this is my most-found blog post. I hope someone makes a lesson plan for high schoolers out of this. I hope Anderson Cooper calls me to interview me for my perspective. I hope that our political leadership downloads this entire album and it becomes required listening. I hope that the people who built these incredibly moving, inspiring, and truly important works of art find this and I can tell you that I love you for these tracks. I have blasted them out of my significant stereo system every September for a decade.
TL;DR: Listen to the first track, below: Faith Hill’s version of The Star Spangled Banner (WTC Mix) and see if you want to hear the rest.
DJ LURK — 09-11-01: In Memoriam
Faith Hill – The Star Spangled Banner
Blessid Union of Souls – I Believe
Live – Lightning Crashes
Collective Soul – The World I Know
Creed – Higher
Don Henley – New York Minute
Annie Lennox – Why
R.E.M. – Everybody Hurts
U2 – Stuck in a Moment
Live – Overcome
Sarah McLachlin – Angel
Higher Faith – Angels in Heaven
Splendor – God Can Explain
Jo Dee Messina and Tim McGraw – Bring on the Rain
Leeann Rymes – Please Remember Me
Jewel – Hands
James Horner – My Heart Will Go On
Lee Greenwood – God Bless the USA
Enya – Only Time
Here is an extra-special bonus clip: Depeche Mode did a little seen promo video for Enjoy the Silence on top of the World Trade Center in 1990.
I finally got over my “this is not perfect yet” drive to post this. And yes, I know exactly where the blemishes are on this comp, but if I don’t just get it out there, I’ll stall and bluster and not deliver. Warts and all, here is #15 from DJ Lurk.
Download the files to import to your media player or rip the two CDs to your own media from the Virtual Lilypad Mobile Me: DJ Lurk – FESTIVUS.
TRACKLISTING:
DISC 1: The Airing of Grievances
Linkin Park – Wisdom, Justice, and Love
Chicane – What Am I Doing Here? (Part 1)
BassNectar – Bursting
Lady GaGa – Eh, Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say) (Piano and Human Beat Box Version)
Keane – Perfect Symmetry (Live at the CherryTree House)
The Killers – Read My Mind (Like Rebel Diamonds Mix)
Electronic – For You
Jackson 5 vs Third Eye Blind – I Want You Back vs Semi-Charmed Life
Jay-Z featuring Alicia Keyes – Empire State of Mind
King Fantastic – Why? Where? What?
Chiddy Bang featuring MGMT – The Opposite of Adults (KIDS)
DJ Steve Porter featuring Katt Williams – Weed Remix
Cee-Lo Green – Fuck You (Le Castle Vania Remix)
Natasha Bedingfield – Frogs and Princes
Lady GaGa – Bad Romance (Chew Fu Remix)
Jay Sean featuring Nicki Minaj – 2012 (It Ain’t the End) (Ultimix)
Far East Movement featuring Cataracs – Like a G6 (Disco Fries Remix)
Make the Girl Dance – Baby, Baby, Baby (Black Block Remix)
Lady GaGa – Boys, Boys, Boys (Manhattan Clique Remix)
DISC 2: The Feats of Strength
Katy Perry featuring Snoop Dogg – California Gurls (Inner Party System Remix)
Ke$ha – Your Love Is My Drug (C-Rok RokCouture Remix)
Beyoncé – Ego (Ultimix)
Timbaland featuring Katy Perry – If We Ever Meet Again (Chew Fu Ultimix)
Lady GaGa – Alejandro (Afrojack Remix)
Taio Cruz – Dynamite (C-Rok RokCouture RePro V3)
Bruno Mars – Just The Way You Are (Smart and Westfunk Ultimix)
Chicane – Poppiholla (The Thrillseekers Remix)
Plumb – Hang On (Ultimix)
Kaskade and Deadmau5 – Move For Me (Remix by FSG)
The Divinyls – I Touch Myself (Love II Infinity Remix)
Depeche Mode – Halo (Austin Leeds and Christian J Main Mix)
Hybrid – Break My Soul
Recoil – Faith Healer (Conspiracy Theory)
As usual, there are a whole bunch of influences to thank for finding these phresh tracks, starting with S.A.T., whom I love dearly, not least for her taste in music old and new. Other contributors include brothers T-Boz, Kleptus, Moonbow, and Jamie & Sioux; Pat and Scot from Stay Classy who do good work every day besides noting dope tracks; DJ Hero from Activision for doing a superb job getting real turntablists to influence the next generation with kickass games — they’ve come a long way from Atari cartridges; my main man C-Rok who crushes shit better than established remixers, the Ultimix family, The CherryTree House for providing that uniquely awesome recording venue, King Fantastic for restoring my faith in that SoCal gangsta shit, Lady GaGa whose preponderance on this comp is easily surpassed by her support of the Little Monsters (of which I am one), my brothers Kyle and Jon who got married in 2010 (FINALLY!), the one-of-a-kind vision and autotune skills of DJ Steve Porter who went on to rock the NBA Finals among other brands, the DJ / Producers that keep it fresh: Chew Fu, Afrojack, Kaskade, Deadmau5, and Pete Tong’s Essential Mix; and last-but-in-no-way-least my version of Charlie’s Angels: Brooke Lee Adams, Gracie Glam, and Kristina Rose.
Of course, the people that make this go are the original artists, whose rights are completely reserved; this is for promotional purposes only. Go buy music! I am always awed by having to decide what to include on the yearly comp and in what order it is supposed to be in so that I can recreate the spray-Pledge-on-the-hardwood-floors-and-dance-in-your-socks feeling that I got listening to these tracks all year long. Make time to share, dance, and relax while you enjoy this latest installment by DJ Lurk. I have big love for you all. PEACE!
Every once in a while I get the opportunity to mention that I was in a band in high school. This usually provokes mild interest because the immediate assumption is that Monster Zero was like that standard high school band that was doing covers of classic rock or Bob Marley or something similar that everyone heard once or twice during their secondary school career while drinking cheap beer out of red keg cups in someone’s backyard. But when I mention details like “we had a full horn section”, “seven to eight members rocking original ska and funk”, and “covered the likes of Fishbone, Bad Manners, The English Beat, and The Specials” — well, that’s usually when eyes go wide and I get full attention. Ska was perfect for Point Loma High School at the end of the 80’s as a decade: rambunctious, feel-good, jump around, hyperkinetic party music balanced out with a healthy dose of dirty, filthy, get-yo-hips-innit funk as a chaser.
MZ was truly a labor of love; we worked hard to cover covers as faithfully as we could and we poured our best efforts into writing originals that would rock a party. I can’t even recall how many hours were spent in the epic soundproof room built in Alex’s basement under the stern but approving eyes of George Kohrt trying to organize, focus, and practice while figuring out marketing, our next gig, and how on earth we might get paid a little bit for loading 1000 lbs of gear into multiple vehicles and showing up to play somewhere on the spur of the moment. What is amazing is that 20 years out, I STILL fuckin’ love these tracks and cherish the memories:
Early on we played a gig for some classmate’s birthday party at the Kona Kai Club; we had no lead singer so I had to sing while playing all of the horns and organ on my keyboard — this is the only time that I fronted the band vocally, and the trumpet solo on Ackee 1, 2, 3, is NOT easy to play
MZ played a gig at my (then) girlfriend Jamie Peterson’s house while her dad was away; somebody was so inspired that they climbed on to the roof and stage dived into the mosh pit — unlike Coolio he was caught and I don’t think the band missed a beat
Monster Zero had some influence in the subsequent phreshness that was Ed’s Cat [citation / link needed], The Unsteady when sister Sian White was fronting that shiznits, and just setting the bar high for PLHS talent in general
I even remember the early days of formulating Monster Zero — big love to Tyler Lusk (drums), Frank the PLHS TA (bass), and the lovely Adrianna (vocals). I have always regretted never being able to pull off Fishbone’s Lyin’ Ass Bitch when we didn’t have Ms Lazzarini as the centerpiece of the band. I have to acknowledge that even though I had a lot to do with convincing people to give this concept ska-funk revue a try, most of the critical effort came from three planets-are-aligning events:
Imploring friend and Arkanoid-crusher (at Brown Bag Deli, no less) Chris McGee to take a shot at fronting the band with his incredible charisma and vocal chops — McGinty has gone on to his own spectacularity with outfits like 008 and Brass, Beats, and Bows
Putting out an ad in the back of the Reader for horn players, from which we encountered the sax-rocking sexual tyrannosaurus known as John Roy — JR went on to continue keeping it real to this day on the San Diego music scene — and introduced us to Steve Pratchner, our trombonist
Getting awesome volunteer support from fans, friends, and classmates; examples include Security by T. Charman and roadie / sound tech / speaker-schlepping-sherpa Chad Gautier
This goes along with my theme of Press Record; it amazes me that we — Galstefus, actually — spent the time to actually record what we were doing at that time, and that I can actually post these recordings 20 years later…and they still sound good and bring back all those memories. Every time a Monster Zero reunion is mentioned, we all get hordes of messages that people would fly in from other continents and bring their SO’s and / or their whole family including their children and requests for “Camel Jack” or “play Party at Ground Zero!” or “I will throw my panties on stage if you sing me Naked Ladies while looking deep into my eyes”. This sort of behavior can be chalked up to cheesy reminiscence of high school and the end of the eighties, but I put a win in the column of love: that’s why I have spent this Saturday rebuilding the Monster Zero tribute page out on my blog.
I’d be interested in hearing any tales that you have to tell about the rise and fall of Monster Zero in 1989-1990 if you have them. Even if you don’t, check out the page, download the tracks, and play them to your family, friends, and progeny so they subconsciously develop a love for ska and funk music, Godzilla movies, learning to play an instrument beyond Rock Band, and insuring that illicit backyard high school keg parties entertained by cover bands continues to be part of the fabric of growing up, wherever you are in the world.
That’s a lot of work. I sortof miss doing the fun stuff, like designing the covers and labels I used to do, but that’s even more work. Here’s the list of the main compilations from DJ Lurk in chronological order.
1996 – DJ Lurk – Excursion on the Version (1 x 90 min cassette, mixed)
1997 – DJ Lurk – Volume 0 (1 x CD)
1998 – DJ Lurk – Volume 1 (1 x CD)
1999 – DJ Lurk – Volume 2 (1 x CD)
2000 – DJ Lurk – Volume 3 (2 x CD)
2001 – DJ Lurk – Volume 4 (2 x CD)
2002 – DJ Lurk – Volume 5 (2 x CD)
2003 – Deceptikons – ElektroBubbleGum (2 x CD, mixed)
2004 – Deceptikons – Obey (3 x CD)
2005 – Deceptikons – Destroy All Monsters (2 x CD)
Doing some last minute audio cleanup on The Airing of Grievances and the Feats of Strength for release later this month. Anyone else out there still have old physical media? Big Love from DJ Lurk.
The 2009 compilation — called UP and DOWN — is now available for download. In the spirit of consuming less physical resources, this is the digital distribution; download and burn at your convenience. There are two discs, each of which will fit on an 80 minute audio CD, so feel free to rip your own copies for the car, boat, etc.
For those of you not familiar with my DJ Lurk persona and his obsessive music hobby, he is in the habit of releasing a compilation of the songs, both old and new, that topped his personal charts over the course of a year. Since it is boring to include the same old version you hear all the time, extensive work has gone into hand-selecting face-melting remix versions, so even if you can’t stand Katy Perry or Natasha Bedingfield, give it a whirl anyways. Enjoy!
You can download the zip file here (right-click and save as…231.4mb).
TRACKLISTING:
DISC ONE: DOWN
01 Steve Jablonsky – Decepticons
02 Depeche Mode – Walking in My Shoes (Ambient Whale Version)
03 Oasis – Wonderwall (Full Tilt Remix)
04 Coldplay – Life in Technicolor
05 Maroon 5 – Wake Up Call (Ultimix)
06 T.I. featuring Rihanna – Live Your Life (Ultimix)
07 Keri Hilson featuring Lil Wayne – Turnin’ Me On
08 Kid Cudi featuring Kanye West and Common – Make Her Say
09 The Fixxers – Can U Werk Wit Dat (Funkymix)
10 Ray J featuring Yung Berg – Sexy Can I (R.E.E.O. Mix)
11 David Banner featuring Chris Brown – Get Like Me (Funkymix)
12 50 Cent vs Nine Inch Nails – In Da Club (Scooter’s Closer Mix)
13 Fergie vs The Violent Femmes – London Bridge (DJ Yoda’s Blister in the Sun Mix)
14 DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince – Megamix
15 Lonely Planet featuring T-Pain – I’m On a Boat
16 LMFAO – Girl Can’t Help It (Funkymix)
17 Lady Gaga – Poker Face (X-Mix)
18 P!nk – So What (Ultimix)
DISC TWO: UP
01 Peter Luts and Dominico – What a Feeling (X-Mix)
02 Eric Prydz – Call on Me (Radio Edit)
03 Keri Hilson – Energy (Ultimix)
04 Beyonce – Diva (Red Top Mix)
05 Nadia Ali – Fine Print (Serge Deviant Radio Edit)
06 Katy Perry – Waking Up in Vegas (Manhattan Clique Bellagio Remix)
07 Nic Chagall featuring Jonathan Mendelsohn – This Moment (Prog Mix Live Edit)
08 Tiesto and Sneaky Sound System – I Will Be Here (Wolfgang Gartner Remix)
09 Frou Frou – Breathe In (Watkins Vocal Mix)
10 Chicane vs Natasha Bedingfield – Bruised Water (Michael Woods Full Vocal Mix)
11 R.E.M. – The Great Beyond (Hybrid Mix)
12 Underworld – Rez-Cowgirl (Live at Creamfields 2003)
Compilation is (C) 2009 Impeccable Taste, Inc. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED BY THE ORIGINAL ARTISTS. Special thanks to S.A.T., Delvin, BunnyKitty, Woodweaver, T-Boz, DJ Yoda, Scooter, Radio 1’s Essential Mix, Pete Tong, The Green Teem, and all of you who move and inspire.
Some tracks just resonate with you. These are the ones that get stuck in your head, or you find yourself quoting lyrics from them, or — the most telling tale — you keep playing them over and over again because they move and inspire, as Landmark Education would describe this feeling. That’s why I make “compilations” of tunes every year; even the year I said I was going to stop making compilations, I made a compilation. I just didn’t make physical copies with custom covers and inserts and liner notes, which takes hours and days and months to perfect, in 2008 or — most likely — in 2009. I give them away for free because they’re my way of communicating. It’s a way to say something along the lines of “here’s what I played for myself all of this year; hope you like some of it” in a palpable format.
What’s a real trip is letting this sink in: I have been making these compilations every year for 12+ years now. That is just a count of the official, main compilations; sometimes more than one disc, but always tuned to fit on an audio CD (OK the Old Skool Hip Hop McGee Mix can’t, but there are always exceptions). There are adjunct comps, live mixes, bootlegs, extra cuts that couldn’t quite make it, times I didn’t record while spinning to an international audience on the Mordenkainen’s Parlour stream, and practice stuff — some of which I recorded and some of which I didn’t.
When engaged in the constant act of choosing music you like for 12+ years on a day-by-day basis, you know what you like and what you don’t like. Everybody does that. That is why everybody is a DJ. The crucial difference is that I recorded it. This fact sets me apart from the rest of the amateur record-scratchers and mix-tapers. Why don’t you go pull out one of your old mix tapes or CDs, or an old .m3u playlist and try to understand what you were thinking about when you felt passionate — or bored — enough to actually press the record button and pick some songs in a particular order. Or did you give them all away to potential booty calls?
Songs become old friends when you play them enough. Ensconced between the lyrics and the bassline, the drums and the swells, a personal soundtrack has embedded itself into the fabric of the music. Playing certain tracks is evocative to you in a way that nobody else is going to get just like you. Sharing these particular musical missives with others is, I believe, a fundamental art form. That’s why I do it.
So when I spend hours listening to my compilations, in order or on shuffle play, it has become something akin to going to church. The best way that I can be a Shaman for everyone is to bring something back; that is certain compositions of music, perhaps in a certain order. I love these sermons. Because I recorded them myself of myself in space and time. When I press record, I realize that it is a positive, creative, wonderful thing that I have the cojones to take a deep breath and go live for posterity.
I have always wanted to record this set…so today I asked myself what is stopping me? Aphrodite is a visionary for being able to take old skool hip hop jams and transform them into this crazy jump-up drum & bass with his signature style. Every time I have broken this stuff out, whether it’s to end a night of partying or battling some sucka DJ, this never fails to blow my mind. At 1 hour and 5 minutes it will handily fit on a CD for bumpin’ in your ride at stoplights.
Opening sample is the legendary beginning of NWA’s Straight Outta Compton:
You are now about to witness the strength of street knowledge…
“it’s been a long time…I shouldn’t have left you / Without a strong rhyme to step to”
That is the opening lyric to Erik B and Rakim’s legendary and elemental “You Know You Got Soul“. It always humbles me to re-learn this fundamental fact of life every time I am alone and I turn up my stereo. Because my sound-producing systems are a power-sucking, overwhelming, disgustingly 70’s speaker-studded monstrosity that has not stretched its wicked claws in almost a year. With Kleptus and teh Office Qween (and the loveable brats) moving upstairs, the animal is waking from slumber. It misses it’s counterpart, a big stainless steel bear affectionately called Teh Kegerator. I might point out that using a Kegerator (especially if you have a Kvar system in place) is actually greener than recycling all those cans and bottles. Walk the walk, bitches.
So I am totally head-over-heels in love with Chicane featuring Natasha Bedingfield – Bruised Water. That link is specifically the Adam K Remix. It’s been a long time…since I have heard a track that every single version is stellar. Plus, it helps that Natasha Bedingfield is crazy fuckin’ hawt. I had to search for this, but check out the original video with the updated mix. But let’s not get twisted; the message and the mermaid from the original remix outing is drool-fuel, too.
“so let down my guard / drop my defenses / down by my clothes…I’m learning to fall / with no safety net / to cushion the blow”
That’s about where I am at, but moving steadily on radar. Stay tuned; especially to Mordenkainen’s Parlour.
I came home from a pretty good day at work slinging my IT plan for Green House Builders to a house without roommates or children, so I did what I do best: got intoxicated and slung some tracks. Usually I just pile a bunch of music into Traktor Pro and start mixing; this time I actually plucked a bunch of songs from the back catalogs from DJ Lurk and The Deceptikons because I wanted to make sure I included a couple of specific remixes. After deciding to start with the most excellent LMFAO cut, I couldn’t resist laying the epic South Park skit in there at the beginning. This mix is approved by Thee Froggacuda.
Opening sample is from South Park:
Kyle: I think I know the answer, Mr. Garrison
Cartman: [nonsense imitating Kyle]
Kyle: Shut up fat boy!
Cartman: Don’t call me fat, you fucking jew!
Mr. Garrison: Eric, did you just say the F-word?
Cartman: Jew?
Kyle: No, he’s talking about “fuck”. You can’t say fuck in school, you fucking fatass!
Cartman: Why the fuck not?
Mr. Garrison: Eric!
Stan: Dude, you just said “fuck” again!
Mr. Garrison: Stanley!
Kenny: fuck!
Mr. Garrison: Kenny!
Cartman: What’s the big deal? It doesn’t hurt anybody. fuck-fuckety-fuck-fuck-fuck.
Mr. Garrison: How would you like to go see the school counselor?
Cartman: How would you like to suck my balls?
Mr. Garrison: What did you say?
Cartman: I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Actually, what I said was… [megaphone feedback] HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUCK MY BALLS, Mr Garrison?
Pouring rain and trapped by flooding into the one-room studio I am living in (or out of, if you prefer), I decided to quit playing video games and spin some tunes surrounded by three wet cats who decided to use my bed as a roost. I loaded up every DJ exclusive mix I could find because I was too lazy to go through my folders while the rain was beating on the roof. I also was influenced by going to my man T-Boz‘s birthday bash last Friday where our homegirl Aida brought a big-ass LL Cool J style boombox and her CD collection and proceeded to rock the hizouse with some real old school jams. Here are the results.
Opening sample is from Fast Times at Ridgemont High:
Brad Hamilton: Hey! You guys had shirts on when you came in here!
Jeff Spicoli: Well, something happened to ’em, man. Hahaha!
Brad Hamilton: C’mon Spicoli, just put the shirts back on. You see that sign?
Part of the Deceptikons 2006 release Universal as the fourth bonus disc as an MP3, I never got around to creating the tracklisting. Essentially, I was having a conversation with my man Mcginty about the heyday of hip hop in the eighties and decided to rip some battle CDs and go to town. I recorded my first attempt at practicing this set, and lo and behold, it was decent enough for publication. Since I no longer do compilations for the holiday season (though there might be a box set of everything in the future), and I have recently been posting some epic long mixes, I thought I would throw this oldie but goodie out there for your enjoyment.
Like all discussions of music, you can evaluate the tracklisting for what is “really” old skool hip hop, but I tried to keep the flow going throughout the mix, and I can argue the inclusion of more modern tracks for some of the backstory involved. For example, Eve’s Satisfaction was produced by Dr Dre, and has that signature flavor to it. Furthermore, as time goes on, I expect that many of the newer tracks will age gracefully into the annals of signature hip hop as the older representations are still serious booty-shakers when dropped on the dance floor of a crowded and enthusiastic club or house party; gems that shouldn’t be forgotten like Public Enemy, Eazy E, and any track by Sir Mix-a-Lot that ISN’T “Baby Got Back”. In addition, you’ll find some of those one hit wonders that are too easy to forget about, like Paperboy, Father MC, Positive K, Onyx, Pharcyde, and Skee Lo.
KRS-ONE said it best: “Rap is what you do; Hip Hop is what you live”.
Starry-eyed (surprise) off of the 5 hours of There Are Two Types of Balls I decided to see how many remixed classics from the eighties and early nineties I could string together back-to-back. The results are epic; tracklisting below: 85 tracks, almost six and a half hours of madness. Make it the soundtrack to your weekend.
Opening sample is from Clerks:
Jay: I feel good today Silent Bob. We’re gonna make some money, then you know what we’re gonna do? We’re gonna party, we’re gonna get some pussy and i’ma fuck this bitch and i’ma fuck this bitch….I’LL FUCK ANYTHING THAT MOVES!
Yo, what the fuck are you lookin’ at? I’ll kick your fuckin ass! Shit yeah. Don’t that motherfucker owe me ten bucks? Y’know, fuckin’, tonight we’re gonna rip off this fuckers head, take out his fuckin’ soul. Remind me that if he tries to buy something I’m gonna shit in the motherfuckers’ bag.
Yo what’s up baby? ‘Sup sluts?
Ya know Silent Bob you’re a rude motherfucker, y’know that? Cute as hell. I’d like to go down on you, suck you, line up two more guys and make like a circus seal! Eww you fucking faggot! I hate guys! I LOVE WOMEN!
This is what happens when I am left alone with a pile of MP3s, my DJ tech, and a 30-pack of Tecate on the Compound. UPDATE: Renamed this mix to “There Are Two Types of Balls” for obvious reasons.
Opening sample is from Snatch:
Bullet Tooth Tony: So, you are obviously the big dick and the men on the side of ya are your balls. There are two types of balls: there are big brave balls, and there are little mincey faggot balls.
Vinny: These are your last words, so make them a prayer.
Bullet Tooth Tony: Now, dicks have drive, and clarity of vision, but they are not clever. They smell pussy and they want a piece of the action. And, you thought you smelled some good ol’ pussy. And, have brought your two little mincey faggot balls along for a good ol’ time. But, you’ve got your parties muddled up. There’s no pussy here, just a dose that’ll make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you are having second thoughts. You’re shrinking…and your two little balls are shrinking with ya. And, the fact that you’ve got “replica” written down the side of your guns. And, the fact that I’ve got “Desert Eagle point five zero” written on the side of mine, should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now…fuck off.